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Jinx thoughts 

I often find myself feeling like If I think a negative thought eg: death of a child or sickness brewing …… I will jinx it and I often find Im having a battle against my own thoughts before I even let them become full thoughts.  It’s a stupid mindset yet it’s also a survival mindset. I’m so alone and battling this alone. Which is fine as I’m also very emotionally strong. To have your children sick with such life limiting illness though is crippling and it hurts like no other pain other than a mother losing her child experiences. The emotional pain becomes physical and the physical becomes mental and it didn’t stop…. If your child is getting worse medically it gets harder and watching your child lose abilities we all take for granted is like another knife to the chest.  I watched my daughter suffer for 9 months in physical pain and no matter what drugs and what therapy or positions nothing would help. I begged and begged for help in hospital. She was …

Intro to me 

Hi  I’m purely writing this as I need an outlet. I’m totally isolated and people just don’t seem to understand just how hard life truly can be.  I’m a loving mum to four amazing children. I’m the proudest mum ever. My youngest two have sever medical issues and at the moment as of today it’s taking it’s toll. I’m emotional and I’m tired. I’m physically sore.  I feel so in love with my children and the saddest thing is I know my love can’t fix them or cure there illness/disability.  Don’t get me wrong I love them for who they are but I would so do anything to make life more comfortable and beautiful for them.  I have two older children 12,15 and two younger 7 and 4  My 7 year old is physically and intellectually disabled, she is a pure soul so beautiful and loving. She has a condition no other child in the world has (or has been found to have) she has heart disease and quadriplegic cerebral palsy, epilepsy, peg fed, swallowing …